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He couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse. (can't drive) He couldn't drive a nail into a bucket of water. (can't drive) He wouldn't work in an iron lung (i.e. lazy bastard) I'm going to give birth to your twin! (i.e. have a shit) He'd be too slow to keep worms in a tin. (stupid) He's so unlucky that if it were raining virgins he'd be struck on the head by a poof.(unlucky) Face like a smashed crab.(ugly) Face like a mile of unpaved road.(ugly) Face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.(ugly) Face like a half-eaten pastie.(ugly) Tis a pity thy mouth be ringed with teeth, 'cos doth spoil a perfect arsehole.(ugly) If I want any shit from you, I'll squeeze your head.(shuttup) He's a teapot. (poofter) How's your belly where the pig bit ya? (greeting) By the breadth of a bees dick (narrow margin) She didn't get that round mouth from eating square meals! (..y'know) Jahbindi 'n' begorrah! (exclamation of surprise) Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick (be thankful) Tighter than a fish's arse. (tight) Ankle! (i.e. three feet lower than a cunt) |